I'm Too Young For a Mid-life Crisis!

I have not blogged in so long because I like to have positive blog posts and have felt as far from positive in so long. I believe my attitude follows my thoughts, so here goes concentrating on my many blessings. I turned 40 on the 4th of this month. Birthdays are something that has never bothered me, well, until the 4th. I found myself crying that morning because not only did I see myself at forty years of age, I never saw myself still living in Wright, Wyoming twenty-two years after I declared to all my classmates, "I AM LEAVING THIS HORRIBLE TOWN AS SOON AS I GRADUATE!" I guess the things you fight are what come your way. My daughter will be graduating from the same high school that I graduated from in May of this year. She is graduating, so put that in the blessings column.



There has been a huge shake-up at my job. One nurse quit, the clinic fired a nurse practioner and a CNA and this was all while I was home. I received numerous phone calls and was not sure if I would have a job when I returned the next Monday, so spent the weekend thinking about the pros and cons of having that job. I decided I would leave it in the Lord's hands. Thankfully, I do have my job, so chalk up another one in the blessings column.



I think I have blogged about my distrust/dislike about neurologists, and once again, things you fight........When I had a MRI done of my spinal column and brain at the end of last year, I was referred to a neurosurgeon due to spinal cord impingement, but with a MS lesion at the same spot, the surgeon left the option of surgery up to me. I asked what the risks were and decided to wait until the pain was unbearable or the disc ruptured. Dr. Kopitnik wanted me to go see another neurologist and although I protested, he convinced me to see Dr. Santiago again. The appointment was scheduled for the 22nd of this month. I was in quite a bit of pain but knew I could hold out until then to see the neurologist. Yesterday, I received a phone call from Dr. Santiago's receptionist stating someone had canceled and would I like to take that appointment. I asked when it was and it happened to be for yesterday. I took the appointment and took my MRI results to that appointment. The marks in the blessings column only began yesterday with the appointment change. I am somewhat a skeptic but truly am trying to change that character flaw about myself. With that being said, my optimistic attitude surprised even me when we started to town. I had decided I would give this neurologist another chance. The appointment lasted nearly an hour and forty-five minutes. He listened to everything I said, even the bitter-ridden comments about neurologists. When I finally stopped my run-down of the last ten years of medical experiences he just asked if he had gotten this right, I had fired at least six neurologists in the last ten years since my first symptoms set in and I answered that he was correct. His next statement perplexed me and relieved my mind. He just matter of factly asked what he needed to do for me so he was not fired by me. I contemplated this question for a moment and answered that I just wanted him to listen to me. He felt that was quite a minimal requirement on his part, we shall see. Blessing column for the time being.

This blog has taken me nearly one month to post. I have to refocus on positive attitude before finishing sometimes but last week found me feeling that I was being led towards a place in my life that is better for me and my family. I have felt so much pressure and stress as the nursing supervisor that I feel as though I am heading for another exacerbation, not that I fully recovered from the relapse back in November. Last week I sat down with the clinic supervisor and told her my frustrations with the direction our Urgent Care is going and all the stress from the job. By the time I finished, the only thing left to say was I will be resigning my position. Instantly peace settled in my heart, blessing column, and I am looking forward to being home and at the barn. I need some Caprine Therapy! :)